matthewgruman.com

The Cigarette

RoboPanda doesn’t care about your lungs; he’s too busy looking cool.

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I put videos I create on Vimeo. You can see my profile.

- Via Gizmodo and Suck UK.

It let’s you determine how much milk/cream you want with Pantone colours! In September, I will be buying a new mug.

The Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement, which was approved by the federal government and the courts last year, will provide at least $1.9 billion to former students who claim sexual, physical or psychological abuse at the 130 schools that were run jointly by the government and religious organizations until the mid-1970s.

- Via cbc.ca.

I used to work indirectly for INAC. I think this is one of those “well, it’s better than nothing” moments.

Franny and Zooey is one of my favourite books. I read it for the first time in my late teens, and it completely changed the way I thought of JD Salinger. Before FZ, I’d only read The Catcher in the Rye. Twice; I HATED it. The first time I read it was grade 10, 16 years old, and the perfect fodder for Holden worship. The power ended up going out for a day, so I read it first by dwindling sunlight, and eventually finished it by candlelight. There was one moment were I had to stop myself from letting a few of the pages burn at the fire.

I can’t remember why I read Catcher for a second time. I think it’s very similar to my Douglas Coupland situation wherein I’m faced with a number of people insisting I tell them WHY I didn’t like it. You can’t very well say you dislike something unless you actually understand it, so it was time for a second read. Again, I hated it. I didn’t get the appeal of Holden, or rather the anti-appeal. To me he was just a very generic teenager, his cursing didn’t impress me, and I didn’t like Salinger’s irreverent style.

A Boxing Day Miracle

It was either 2003 or 2004 – Pulp Fiction (attention Vancouverites: if you’re not buying your used books here, you’re either paying too much or not getting the selection you deserve) was having a sale (30% off? 40%?). Anyway, I walked out with 23 books for less than $80 – a nice post-Xmas gift for the Jewish me – and one was Franny and Zooey.

I bought it because (I thought) it was my brother’s favourite book – he also LOVED Catcher. Turns out his favourite was Nine Stories – also by Salinger – but that’s irrelevant. I bought FZ and I absolutely loved it. I immediately fell in love with the female protagonist and the way she treated her douche bag boyfriend, Lane:

He looked over at Franny and smiled at her. “Anyway. Just in case I forgot to mention it. I love you. Did I get around to mentioning that?”
“Lane, would you excuse me again for just a second?” Franny said. She had got up before the question was completely out.

<< Hyper Swoon >>

The remainder of her character is simply a very intelligent and attractive young college student who is trying to come to terms with her existence. She has picked up a book from her older brother Seymour (now dead – read Nine Stories for details) describing a pilgrim who has been told how to accomplish the Jesus Prayer. The basic concept is to continually repeat this one specific prayer to Jesus and it will eventually become an implicit part of your life – the only way to actually fulfill the Biblical ideal that you must perpetually pray. Existential/religious crisis? No one will blame me for falling in love. Franny ends up having a breakdown and goes back home to visit her family.

Zooey

At home, we meet Zooey. Zooey is Franny’s brother (they are the world-famous Glass family you know) and is also an attractive and intelligent person. Not a student though, he’s an actor.

So Zooey’s an “asshole”. Not the typical asshole who’s a jerk due to ignorance, but the intellectual asshole. The asshole who knows too much and judges those around him by the standards he sets for himself. He’s also a weird synthesis of his two older brothers: troubled genius, Seymour and the-guy-who-actually-wrote-Catcher, Buddy. Whereas Seymour left a void in the Glass family’s life, it seems that Zooey fell in and grabbed onto Buddy for support.

Fresh Paint

The majority of Zooey’s story is a lecture to Franny. One can only assume that Seymour would have done it with more class, but Zooey’s an asshole, remember? So he makes Franny cry. He yells at her. He comes off as an arrogant jerk who doesn’t accept anyone who has beliefs that differ from his. The reality is that he cares a little too much for his baby sister. Turns out Franny is a bit of an asshole for subjectively interpreting her brother based on her own ideals instead of asking WHY. Then *Boom* *Pow* *Whir*, Franny gets it and it’s a wonderful moment.

Religon

I think the most fascinating part of this book, to me anyway, is the use of religion. JD Salinger was Jewish, and Glass is a Jewish name. However, his characters, Glass family included, are not Jewish. FZ finishes with the realization that it IS a good thing to live your life for Christ. I don’t think I really got that the first time I read it, but I definitely get it now. Jesus was, objectively, an incredible man. If any of the stories about him are actually true, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better person in the history of humanity. The concept in FZ is, essentially, to do things you think Jesus would appreciate – live up to his standards because they are higher than your own.

If you are continually setting your standards higher, you’re just going to be better (as a person, artist, worker, etc.) – it doesn’t matter what your religion is.

Carried Away

I planned to write this as a book review in letters. I was going to write a love letter to Franny, and a real letter to Zooey – but it was an utter failure. I also had the hope that I could do something similar to the rest of Salinger’s works, but I don’t think that’s going to happen now. Finishing FZ the day after finishing Coupland’s “All Families Are Psychotic” was like the world’s most wonderful shower, but I don’t think it’s time for a second.

This put the tired-looking McCain on the defensive. He calmly explained to me that alcohol can be ingested in moderation without ill effects, but that any amount of heroin or cocaine was harmful to a person. Of course he didn?t mention marijuana, which millions of Americans apparently find useful in some regard, and which is demonstrably less harmful than alcohol or cigarettes (tobacco, incidentally, should be quite illegal by his bogus harm-causing standard). These legal substances have killed an awful lot of people, but there is no record in human history of a person who has died just from smoking marijuana. Alcohol is heavily linked to domestic abuse, assault, and impaired driving, whereas marijuana users (despite their omnipresence) don?t seem to cause so many problems for their neighbors.

So getting back to McCain? McCain told me there was no similarity between Alcohol Prohibition and the War on Drugs. And like Romney, he thinks we need to institute another ?Just Say No? campaign, as if that actually worked the first time around.

- Via Send the Right Message!.

One of my best friends from high school is currently incarcerated for running a grow-op for the Hell’s Angels. The bosses aren’t. I think Bill Hicks said it best: “George Bush says ‘we are losing the war on drugs’. Well you know what that implies? There’s a war going on, and people on drugs are winning it! Well what does that tell you about drugs? Some smart, creative motherfuckers on that side.”

Regardless of your stance, if you believe that the “War” on drugs is working, you’re probably an idiot.

- Via xkcd.com.