matthewgruman.com

Hello, world. Before I begin, let me just take the time to say hello to my mother, who actually reads this blog over my own. Hi, mom!So- My name is Brown Dany, and I am your guest author for this brief period of time we find ourselves without dear ThewGru. ThewGru is the name I have given Matthew by taking the last four letters of his first name, and the first three letters of his last name.Now, do you see? Do you see how we roll? Not like shit down a hill, but more like two pieces of shit because we’re good, good friends. Even better- like diarrhea. We don’t roll clumsily, but we flow smoothly maybe we a little bit of corn or nuts for texture.Oh man, I hope I didn’t alienate you, the reader, by implying that I am better friends with ThewGru than yourself. That wasn’t my intent. I just wanted to demonstrate, fecally, the tight-knit friendship I have with Matthew as being the reason I am the guest author. Still not convinced? Well, then, why would Matthew ever message me the following:

“And there was only enough semen to fill one nostril.”

Before you panic, it’s alright- Matthew was only talking about dead prostitutes.Well, at least I think so, it was hard to make out the context as he was snorting coke off my naked back. Wait, what’s happening? 

Link.

Link.

Link.

Espresso machines have VERY sexy designs…

1. Delicious coffee, filled to the top.
2. Sneeze coming on.
3. Changing my sweater.

I spilled the same cup of coffee THREE times today. Three!

UPDATE: I’m still amazed. I spilled it on the chair next to me where I was eating/drinking, then all over my co-worker’s papers, and finally all over the floor I share with my boss.

- Via Gizmodo and Suck UK.

It let’s you determine how much milk/cream you want with Pantone colours! In September, I will be buying a new mug.